Why is Everyone SO Flippant these days?
In the future that is the year 2024, the value of integrity and reliability often seems overshadowed by an increasing trend toward flakiness and unreliability. Especially in the aftermath of COVID-19, many people have embraced a more casual approach to commitments, leading to a growing normalization of broken promises and missed engagements. You see this in reservations, weddings, casual meetups, networking events and honestly most events that are being hosted.
However, amid this backdrop, the principle of being impeccable with your word stands out as a powerful antidote. This concept, introduced in Don Miguel Ruiz’s book The Four Agreements, emphasizes the importance of integrity and reliability in our daily lives. I loved this book when I first listened to it many years ago and it seems so fitting to bring up in these times.
What Does It Mean to Be Impeccable with Your Word?
To be impeccable with your word means to speak with integrity, say only what you mean, and avoid using your words to speak against yourself or others. Simply; say what you mean and mean what you say. Some of the sayings that were parroted in my childhood really do have substance. It involves being honest and thoughtful in your communication, ensuring that your words align with your actions and values. Essentially, it’s about being truthful and reliable in all your interactions. So, if we are operating from a kind yet honest perspective why is this concept so hard for people?
The Rise of Flakiness Post-COVID
Since the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, there has been a noticeable shift in how people approach commitments. The uncertainty and disruption caused by the pandemic have led to increased flexibility in schedules and plans. While this flexibility can be beneficial, it has also contributed to a culture where flakiness and unreliability are becoming more accepted. This acceptance has unfortunately made it to the culture making this problem even worse.
People now often cancel plans last minute, miss deadlines, or make promises they don’t keep, citing various reasons related to the ongoing challenges. While understanding these challenges is important, it’s crucial to recognize the impact of this behavior on personal and professional relationships. I know at the heart of people cancelling there is often an underground current of exhaustion, overstimulation and "yes regret" on their minds. And although this is understandable, it's much more kind to everyone including yourself to lead with honesty. I would rather you tell me you can't because you're exhausted and taking time for self care than tell me you'll be there only to cancel and hour before the event.
Honesty can be hard in a culture that teaches us to be nice not honest. Some view true honesty as cruel yet when delivered with kindness, honesty is powerful. It's ok to say no. In fact it's much more likely to have you viewed as trustworthy if you are honest rather than saying yes and last minute cancelling.
Why Being Impeccable with Your Word Matters
Builds Trust and Credibility: Being impeccable with your word is fundamental to building trust. When people can rely on your promises and commitments, it strengthens your credibility and fosters more meaningful relationships, both personally and professionally.
Promotes Integrity: Adhering to this principle ensures that your words are a reflection of your true intentions and values. It promotes personal integrity and helps you avoid the pitfalls of dishonesty and manipulation.
Reduces Stress and Conflict: Clear and reliable communication minimizes misunderstandings and conflicts. When you’re consistent with your words and actions, it reduces the likelihood of stress caused by broken promises or unmet expectations.
Enhances Personal Growth: Being impeccable with your word encourages self-discipline and accountability. It challenges you to align your actions with your values and commitments, promoting personal growth and self-improvement.
How to Practice Being Impeccable with Your Word
Think Before You Speak: Take a moment to consider the impact of your words before you speak. Ensure that what you say aligns with your true intentions and values. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO, DON'T, YOU DON'T OWE ANYONE YOUR TIME, YOU OWE THEM YOUR KINDNESS AND HONESTY.
Follow Through on Commitments: Make promises that you can keep and follow through on them. If unforeseen circumstances arise, communicate openly and promptly. No is a complete sentence. And honest "no thank you I can't" is much more respectable and kind than saying yes and cancelling.
Be Honest and Transparent: Practice honesty in all your interactions. Avoid exaggeration or deceit, and be transparent about your intentions and limitations.
Apologize When Necessary: If you find that you have not been impeccable with your word, acknowledge it and apologize. Taking responsibility for your actions demonstrates integrity and respect for others. No one is perfect, many of us were raised in cultures to be "yes (wo)men" and not speak from true honesty but it's our own responsibility to dismantle these systems and ideals within ourselves.
Set Realistic Expectations: Manage expectations by being realistic about what you can commit to. This helps prevent overpromising and underdelivering. This is where time blocking your week and including personal down time and family time on that calendar can help you see how emotionally available you are to show up.
Embracing Impeccability in a Flaky World
As we navigate a world where flakiness seems to be on the rise, embracing the principle of being impeccable with your word can set you apart. It fosters trust, builds stronger relationships, and contributes to a culture of reliability and integrity. By committing to this principle, you not only enhance your personal and professional interactions but also set a positive example for others to follow. I like to say to people, I say what I mean and mean what I say. If I was upset with you, I would tell you, and I expect the same in return. None of us are mind readers and healthy conflict resolution is something this entire chronically online world can work on.
In conclusion, being impeccable with your word is a timeless principle that remains incredibly relevant in today’s world. Despite the normalization of flakiness, choosing to speak with integrity and follow through on your commitments can lead to more fulfilling and trustworthy relationships. Start today by reflecting on how you can incorporate this principle into your daily life and witness the positive changes it brings.
I challenge you to be 100% honest yet KIND for the next 24 hours. See how liberating truth can feel and how connection is so much sweeter when we are honest.
❤️❤️